My, Myself and I = Breakdown
I recently had the pleasure and honour of chatting with an incredible elder who shared so much wisdom with me. Our conversation touched on relationships and communication.
Our present society has normalized keeping your problems to yourself. Over 90% of people live day by day by routine, not connecting with emotions. Then typically in our forty’s we begin to break down. This unknowing of what is it (life) all about?
That’s frightening.
Our ancestors, had problems too. Right, wrong or indifferent; they came together, having each others back. The women would wash laundry together by the river and contribute to communal meals. The men hunted and shared their catch with their tribes so no one was left hungry. Together they celebrated, laughed, cried and grieved. They shared their struggles and leaned on one another because they felt safe and secure with family or friends they had love and respect for, similar journeys or not. The village truly looked after one another.
Sharing, seeking support, honouring what we are feeling and focusing on healthy relationships have changed from feeling comfort, safety and security to being needy, weak, alone, insecure:
”I'm not dependant on anyone - I’ve got me“ (I knew this one well)
“I don’t want to burden anyone” (Complete conditioning from my Mom)
or “I’ll be there for you when life gets less busy” (experienced this & less busy…when?)
oh and the favourite <sarcasm> texting instead of speaking with our voices.
I’m sad that shame and fear have taken away these inherit values and gifts of the village.
People make everything look great using social media that we've separated from reality. The rise of mental unwellness from comparison is astronomical. People do not know how to let anyone in on their confusion or sadness because if they do, they are no longer “normal”. Since when was normal defined without struggle? What has stopped us from feeling and sharing?
Fear? We won't be accepted for who we really are. For our struggle? Fear of being judged? Fear that my honesty may destroy a relationship? Fear that they won't listen to my truth? Fear in being alone?
Are you feeling the fear? Are you sitting with a pit in your stomach but unable to share your struggle?
Think about why you are not leaning on someone in your village. I promise your struggle is real and you are not alone.
I promise sharing, leaning or asking…being vulnerable…is not a fault.
It is absolutely strong of you to ask “Hey friend, I’m really having a challenge with my kid, are you?” or “I’m just feeling down, exhausted and I need help to get out of this.”
Find compassion for yourself and connect with the people in your village. Help each other by communicating. Stop feeling alone. Stop choosing to be a martyr and start living.