I Think This May Be Grief

What a year it’s been so far!  Canadians and the rest of the world, have experienced uncertainty, chaos, fear and sadness leaving many people feeling unsettled or numb.

Did you know that many are experiencing grief? Grief is not just attached to the loss of someone in physical form; and in today’s blog I’m not referring to the loss of a person.  We experience grief every time we are faced with massive change such as loss of employment, rules to keep us from social connection, change in school structureI’d say we have all experienced massive changes in some way this year. Any disconnection of what we are used has an element of grief. We are grieving so much of what used to be; the loss of what was normal.

Some theories say we experience some of, if not all, five stages of grief. 

Where do you think you are in the cycle?

Denial / Shock:  avoidance, confusion, numbness, blame

Anger:  frustration, anxiety, impatience, invincible, ignorance

Bargaining:  finding meaning, “If only…”, “What if…”

Depression: overwhelmed, lack of energy, blahs, “This is it?”

Acceptance:  it is possible to keep going, “I will be okay”

This pandemic is offering us an opportunity for great reflection and transformation. 

Here are five simple steps to acceptance; from grief to action:

1.  Ask yourself “How do I want to live?”:

Reflect what you want more of or less than (common examples):

• be more healthy 

• be less resentful 

• appreciate my relationships

• feel happier 

• be more grateful 

• stop judging

• be less angry 

• have less “things” 

• increase self-care  

• be more trusting 

• have more time  

• become accountable for me

2.  Understand why you want change:

If you don’t change will you stay stuck in disappointment, feeling stressed, fearful or feeling in lack?  

3.  Take action:

Match your desire (above) and then do something about it.  Don’t overwhelm yourself with many things.  Pick one and commit to 21 days.  Examples:  You want to be healthy? Walk every day for 21 days.  You want to be less stressed? Limit your news or social media exposure. Watch highlights, turn off notifications.  You want to feel more grateful?  Before you get out of bed, in your mind find gratitude in ANY five things, include if you want your comfy bed! There are no rules. Just connect to what feels good.

4.  Stay committed:

21 days is not a long time.  Your ego is sly and will do it’s best to convince you “You’re tired” or “Don’t worry you can catch up tomorrow” or “See no matter what you do it doesn’t get better” but every time you’re faced with that discouraging voice, remind yourself you chose to create a life you are engaged it, rather than being a victim to it.

5.  Be Proud:

When you complete the first round of action, give yourself praise.  You deserve to celebrate the achievement of a goal you set out for yourself!   

4.  Repeat

Pick your next goal and repeat steps 1 thru 5.

In 21 days, take note of how you feel.  There is no doubt, if you have followed the steps you will feel more ease.